Since 2012 we have witnessed many clients and students being held back by their own thinking distortions around the idea of getting organized. What is a thinking distortion? Simply put, it’s our brains way of telling us how things are or ought to be based on past experiences and teachings. And yes, we can all get stuck at one time or another in thinking distortions. So, I wanted to break down 10 common thinking distortions that we see on a regular basis.

Why is understanding thinking distortions important in order to get organized?

Understanding your own unique thinking distortions can help you break out of negative thought patterns. Most of the time we don’t even recognize that we’re stuck in an old story line. It isn’t until someone new helps pull back the blinders that allows us to see the situation in a different way. Emilio and I are often a catalyst for change in people’s homes not because we’re amazing professional organizers, but because we help people see a situation in a different way.

Can you change thinking distortions?

The good news is that by becoming aware of thinking distortions you are then able to change them. It’s not always overnight, but awareness is the first step to positive change. By allowing yourself to be open to new ways of thinking, you are creating an opportunity for future success where there may not have been previously.

10 Common thinking distortions for getting organized

1. Black and white thinking

What is it: Everything is viewed with an all or nothing approach.

Example: I tried to organize the garage in one day and I couldn’t finish it. I will never be able to park the car in the garage and I am a complete failure.

2. Setting unrealistic expectations

What is it: Expectations are set that no one, or very few people, could every achieve. However, there is a sense of failure when expectations are not met.

Example: I must be a perfect mother and know how to help my kids stay organized at all times.

3. Selective thinking

What is it: Only remembering the negative. Lots of good things could happen in the day, but only the bad are remembered.

Example: I accidentally shredded a piece of paper I needed while sorting my tax papers, but you were finally able to still file your taxes on time.

4. Converting positives into negatives

What is it: Changing a good experience into something negative. Being unable to accept a compliment.

Example: A friend says how lovely your kitchen is and you respond that it’s so messy and disorganized.

5. Overgeneralizing

What is it: Use of the words “always” or “never” when talking about situations.

Example: My children never clean their room. I always am left to tidy up the house.

6. Exaggerating unpleasantness

What is it: Making something sound far worse than it is. Like making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Example: If the garbage isn’t taken out on garbage day the house will become infested with rats.

7. Catastrophizing

What is it: If consequences for something are going to be negative, then the situation would be unmanageable.

Example: If I don’t finish organizing the house my family will hate me.

8. Personalization

What is it: Everything revolves around you. It’s all my fault. You take everything personally.

Example: My spouse doesn’t want to organize the shed with me, so I must be a terrible person to work with.

9. Mistaking feelings for fact

What is it: Taking what you feel in your body or mind and believing that it must be true about yourself.

Example: I feel unmotivated, therefore, I am incapable of doing anything. I feel disorganized, therefore, I am a disorganized person.

10. Jumping to negative conclusions

What is it: Assuming the worst.  Oblivious to seeing positive outcomes.

Example: I unexpectedly inherited a lot of stuff and stuffed it into my basement. I have extreme hoarding tendencies. The donation centre isn’t taking my quilts. I am not worthy of sharing.

Did any thinking distortions seem familiar?

If you resonated with one or a few of these common thinking distortions, relax. Take a breath. It’s completely normal to have these thoughts. Now that you are aware that they potentially could be standing in your way of success, you are more likely to overcome them. Remember to be mindful and loving with yourself. If you catch yourself thinking one of these common thinking distortions, try sharing with someone or journal out other possible ways of viewing the same situation. You’re great and don’t you forget it!

Mealtime can be easier with a few simple tools.

Advice for Helping Someone Who Has Clutter.

We get asked a lot, “How can I help someone who has clutter?”

Finally, I compiled our top 6 pieces of advice. And like with all advice, take the pieces that speak to you and leave the rest. There are no one-size-fits-all solutions when it comes to clutter. Relationships can also vary greatly which might alter your approach. For example, our advice for someone you live with is much different than for someone you work with.

And if you do know someone with clutter the best behaviours you can have towards them are: being empathetic & showing concern, setting clear limits, and using a great deal of patience.

The most problematic behaviours you can have towards them are: being frustrated, supporting the disorder, making excuses for a loved one, and associating relationship dissatisfaction.

Either way, here are some tips. 

1. Acknowledge Who Has the Problem

The truth is that often times the issue with things is really your own. So first we want to make sure everyone is on the same page about how we define clutter and next, what levels are considered to be a safety issue. Compare some spaces visually using The Clutter Image Rating Scale — anything that compares to a 5 or higher on the scale is an indicator that clutter could be a problem.

If you share the spaces with this person, but it turns out they’re not too high on the clutter image rating scale, then maybe you need to relax your expectations. Setting boundaries for your own space will also help everyone maintain spaces that they can enjoy. Remember, it’s not a crime to be messy or have piles… some people, in fact, enjoy “crowded” spaces, but it’s Okay to ask that your areas are not affected. 

2. Use Inspiration to Create Change

One of the most difficult steps in the process of clearing clutter is actually letting it go. Often times the person with clutter knows they want to change, but still find it challenging to get started (or even talk about it). We’ve found that starting with motivational stories and videos can sometimes be a great tool for starting a conversation. Here are 4 Ted Talks that really get the juices flowing.

3. Can They See Their Clutter?

Clutter blindness is a real condition. Over time we get used to our environment and become “blind” the potential issues that affect others, but not ourselves… well, at least we think it doesn’t affect us. One exercise we use with our clients to help them see their clutter is this: We meet at a neutral location, like a cafe, and show them a photograph of their space. Often times they’re shocked at what they see, which wasn’t obvious to them when they were actually in their space. Here are 3 signs that a person could have clutter blindness.

4. Their Stuff is Important

We absolutely have to stress the importance of you understanding what it’s like to be in their shoes. It is very important that you don’t minimize their attachment to their belongings. Remember the old adage, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” You may not fully understand the reasons why they keep what they do, but it’s important to recognize they at one time or another valued it. Here is a great video for learning about why we keep stuff we don’t need.

When you come from a place of respect for their belongings trust can be established. Establishing trust is very important for helping them move forward with deciding what stays and what goes. And from there, they are more likely able to agree to boundaries and find homes for the items they truly use and love.

5. Help Them See the Costs of Clutter

We don’t know many people who enjoy losing money, time, or energy. Helping a person find ways to eliminate frustrations and save more money, time, and energy could be your gateway into helping them deal with their clutter. Here are some great tools to help you with that.

6. Promote Their Passion

The number one reason we have found success with clients overcoming their clutter is because they see the potential to pursue their passions. When the clutter is gone, there is more time and space to do the things they love. So help them remember the things that make them happy. Here is a great tool to get started. When people start doing things they love, somehow harder tasks (like letting go of clutter) become easier to accomplish because there is light at the end of the tunnel.

As I mentioned at the beginning of the post, there are no one-size-fits-all solutions for clutter. However, hopefully, you have found some starting points that can assist you in your journey. If you enjoy listening to advice here is a video of Emilio sharing an experience he had at a workshop.