Letting go of addiction

As of the writing (and updating) of this blog I, Samantha Kristoferson, am celebrating my 10th year of alcohol-free living. I was 27 years old when I came to the realization that I had an addiction to alcohol. And I realized my addiction by accident.

I never knew I had an addiction. I found out by accident.

My good friend at the time was diagnosed with cervical cancer and she wanted to try a cleanse which she read could be helpful in her condition. It was called the Master Cleanse and it is an extreme form of riding your body of toxins. At the time I had never heard of it or of any cleanse for that matter. But my friend asked if I would do it with her so that she had support. I said yes. 

During the beginning of the cleanse I felt absolutely terrible, but after 3 days (there are 10 days of cleansing in total) I started to feel alive. I had energy, my sleep was deep, I would wake early without an alarm, my skin and hair looked and felt great, and I felt lighter. The feelings and thoughts of depression also disappeared during this time because I was feeling so great about myself and my body. By the end of the 10 days cleanse I felt better than I had in years.

After the cleanse…

After the cleanse my life went back to my “normal” routines. I skipped meals and when I ate, I chose bad foods, binge drank alcohol 5-7 times a week, and exercised sporadically. I was very aware that I was frequently depressed, but I never considered that my daily habits were in large part the reason for this. The cleanse woke me up.

Here are FIVE addiction challenges I faced and how I overcame them:

1. I couldn’t say “No” to a drink

I tried for several months to stop drinking cold turkey among my friends and family, but it never worked. The more I was offered a hospitable drink the harder it was for me to say “No” to the offer.

My Solution: It was extreme, but I actually moved to New Zealand. When I got off the plane I told everyone I met that I was allergic to alcohol, so no one ever offered me drinks. This was the largest contributing factor to my success with letting go of alcohol. More ways to turn down a drink.

2. I felt tempted in events with alcohol present.

Almost all the experiences I encountered while traveling and working included alcohol being present. Alcohol is so commonly entrenched in many cultures that I would go for dinner and wine would be served; I would watch a rugby match and there were always beers; I would go to a meet-up and everyone had a drink in hand.

My Solution: I would order a non-alcoholic drink, but ask for it in a wine glass. Oftentimes restaurants and bars will serve non-alcoholic drinks in large cups or less fancy options — I wanted to blend in and not stick out, so I would request a similar-looking drinking vessel. By having a drink in my hand I felt less tempted to drink alcohol and felt like I still belonged.

3. I gave in to my temptation and drank alcohol.

Breaking the habit of drinking alcohol was hard, it’s still hard. The problem with my addiction was that I LOVED alcohol. I just didn’t love the results that alcohol had on my physical and mental health… oh and my financial health. So I made a few bad choices on my road to recovery.

My Solution: I never stopped believing in myself. I had felt the benefits of giving up alcohol and I wanted those benefits more than drinking booze. Each time I gave in to the temptation of alcohol I reflected on why I did it and then tried to learn from that experience. Was I trying to impress someone? Did I do it because I felt bored? Did I miss the buzz from alcohol? Eventually, my willpower became stronger than my temptation and I found new ways to get the same results, but soberly.

4. I had more free time.

One of the shocking benefits that were challenging to deal with was how much extra time I had. I was now sleeping in less and having time in the mornings to do things. My evenings were no longer consumed with the hobby of drinking, so I had to find new forms of entertainment.

My Solution: I started journaling more and trying to discover what I liked and didn’t like. I had deeper conversations with strangers that I just met. I researched events in newspapers and online to fill the time that I used to spend going to a bar. I was basically forced down a path of self-discovery which helped me to feel more confident to be the person who I always dreamed of being. Here are some ideas of how to spend your time.

5. I didn’t know how to date.

All of my relationships (if you could even call them that) occurred when I was drunk. I’m not exaggerating this. In my entire 20’s I never had sex soberly and I didn’t know how to behave around someone I was interested in if there wasn’t alcohol involved.

My Solution: I had a very destructive and self-abusing past with men and when I started with sobriety I told myself that I came first. This attitude actually kept me pretty celibate for months, but during that time I realized who I was looking for in a partner and who I felt I deserved to be with. It wasn’t easy for me to become engaged in a relationship because I had so much learning to do. I’m grateful every day that I put myself first and demanded to do better because I eventually found that exact partner.

Setting the right expectation.

It’s taken me years to be able to share my story of recovery. The truth is that I am still learning every day about my addictive personality and how I make my choices. Maybe in years to come, I’ll be able to share how I have been able to battle my sugar addiction.

Addictions come in all shapes and sizes and so do their solutions. It will never be easy to let go of an addiction, but it starts with awareness and the belief that you can do it if you want to. I hope that by my sharing a difficult challenge from my past I have given you hope. If you want to read more about my story you can find a copy of a book I co-authored with my partner called A Recipe For An Extraordinary Life. Organization | Minimalism | Self Care.